“Why is it that when I’m in church, I feel really good, and when I’m away from church, the emptiness I feel comes back again?” I remember asking a friend one day.

She replied, “You know Jan, you can take Jesus home with you.” 

Truth is, I was living two different lifestyles—and my friends outside church were noticing a change in me, baffled at the half-good, half-bad Jan they were seeing.

I wanted to be free of the heartache I was experiencing. But how?

There and Back Again

Embarking on a journey of a lifetime at the tender age of 18 was a thrill with no worries attached.

My future husband and I met on a blind date in Gander, N.L. Six weeks later, we were en route to Fort McMurray, Alta., where Gerald was confident he could easily secure employment. Fort McMurray was a boom town, and the economy was flourishing. Gerald was employed in no time, and we were enjoying life.

But I began to feel homesick, being so far from home and soon caring for three babies. I believed if I could just return and live near family, the loneliness would go away. It took six years and some persuasion on my part, but we made the decision to move back to Newfoundland and Labrador.

Half and Half

Soon after our return to Gambo, N.L., my mother-in-law suggested I take my children to Sunday school at the local Salvation Army church. Like a good mom, I sent them with someone else. But it wasn’t long before I was going along to watch my children’s performances in the choir and other events at the church.

From the very first service I attended, I felt something within me that I hadn’t felt before. I couldn’t describe it, but it made me curious enough to want to go back, and I soon became involved in church activities.

On my own secret mission, though, I studied the people at church to try and discover what brought them the joy I didn’t have. I purchased books and borrowed tapes to learn about the Christian life. 

I was still living my life, enjoying the party scene, the nightlife and all that goes with it. But at the same time, I was yearning for something else—I was drawn to church without understanding why.

Against the Wind

By now, I felt so disillusioned with my life. I’d persuaded my husband to move back home, thinking that was the answer, but I still felt empty.

I decided to quit trying and gave up attending church. I stayed away for three weeks—but I soon was back again.

I was yearning for Jesus to come into my life but it felt like I was walking against 100-kilometre-an-hour winds to get to Him.

God Is Real

It had been two years from that very first Sunday of “unknowingly” searching for that something.

The moment had come. It was Sunday, October 4, 1992. As the congregation rose in worship, I cautiously stood, too, hoping for strength to acknowledge God’s presence. My legs were weak and my heart was pounding. A friend noticed my struggle and, placing his hand on my shoulder, said, “God bless you, Jan.” With that, I asked him to lead me to God. We went to the mercy seat, at the front of the church, together.

I immediately felt God’s presence and peace. What an incredible sense of freedom I experienced. I’d been carrying a burden for so long; suddenly it was gone! I realized after all this time who was knocking on my heart’s door!

Now I know for myself that God is real! I thought. I was at peace.

New Direction

My new morning routine after getting the kids ready for school now consisted of prayer and reading the Bible. Previously, I’d drank coffee and smoked cigarettes, so this was a drastic change.

One morning as I was reading, I snapped the Bible closed and wondered, Why is it that I have to pray to God anyway? Why do I have to do this every day? Without knowing why, I opened the Bible again to the Book of Job, where I found this verse: “Who is the Almighty, that we should serve Him? What would we gain by praying to Him?” (Job 21:15).

Yikes! I didn’t know that God really spoke to people through His Word. It was both startling and awesome to actually witness that.

It’s amazing how God can bring out the best in you. My writing career began immediately after I became a Christian. I wrote a poem about my testimony entitled, fittingly, Where Is God? I wrote so many poems that my file folder overflowed. My husband suggested I write a book, so I self-published a collection of my poetry. It was the first of three books and remains my personal bestseller. I suddenly had a keen interest in a writing career, so I studied creative writing. Soon after, I landed a job as a reporter and photographer for a newspaper. It was an unexpected new direction and I enjoyed it.

Saying “Yes”

When I look back at my life, I chuckle that my favourite Bible verse is, “May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed” (Psalm 20:4). Over the years, I have grown and learned so much about myself and my faith, but there was a time when my heart did not know what it desired, and the plans I had seemed not at all successful.

You may have questions for God as I did. Perhaps God has spoken to you but you remain unsure of how to follow Him.

God provided answers for me, and He will do the same for you. It all comes down to trusting Him enough to yield to Him.

You don’t need great faith to meet Jesus; you only need enough to say “yes.”

He may even surprise you when He answers your prayers!

Janice Keats is the emergency disaster services trainer for The Salvation Army’s Atlantic Division. Residing in Conception Bay South, N.L., she has authored three books and is actively engaged in sharing her faith story.

Photo: leszekglasner/stock.Adobe.com

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