I’m so glad that my parents brought me to church as I was growing up. It set me on a pathway to perceive and experience God’s multifaceted grace throughout my life. In that context, I learned the gospel story of Jesus; I encountered and memorized Scripture; I was encouraged to seek, trust and obey God and to testify about God’s grace in my life. In my experience, the family and the church complemented each other, but that is not everyone’s experience.

How many of our families are perfect? Not mine. How many of our congregations are made up solely of healthy, intact and entire families? Some stressors are commonplace among families, but others are particular to households where some members are devoted to their Christian faith while others are not.

Complicated Relationships

We sometimes hear that the family is the basic unit of society, that villages and cities are made up of households, and so forth. The logic may seem intuitive because it has been repeated by philosophers since at least Aristotle. But both Jesus and Paul acknowledge more complicated realities in the community of Christ-followers, situations in which members of a household are divided in their commitments and some even oppose the faith of others (see, e.g., Luke 12:52- 53; 1 Corinthians 7:12-16; 1 Timothy 6:1-2).

In their ancient world, the typical household included a patriarch, his wife and children, extended family who depended on the patriarch, and slaves. The typical household was not restricted to what we now call the “nuclear family.” Early Christians experienced friction and tension among all these relationships due to differences in faith commitments and convictions, but they often did not have the option of simply walking away. Nor did they always think that leaving was the most virtuous action, even though leaving was necessary and right in some situations. Today, Christians commonly face such dilemmas, and the New Testament offers inspired guidance.

Two Approaches

What did the early church do in the face of widespread friction and tension in households where some members opposed the commitments and convictions of others? Biblical authors do not dismiss the household. Family is important in the New Testament, but not in the way we might assume.

Paul’s letters to the Ephesians and to Titus represent two approaches that the church took to solving commonplace problems regarding household order. Ephesians 5:21-6:9 and Titus 2:1-15 represent what are often called “household codes,” a literary form also seen in several other New Testament books. These passages abbreviate and modify, even subvert, a genre of ancient literature that explained how members of a household are meant to relate to each other. Greco-Roman codes sought to explain and sustain the status quo. But, as Ben Witherington explains in his book, The Paul Quest, “Paul is not interested in simply baptizing the status quo.”

Christianize the Household

Ephesians represents the approach of Christianizing and challenging widespread assumptions about household arrangements. Whereas ancient Greco-Roman writers would say that the male was intrinsically superior to the female and consistently instructed husbands to rule (archō) their wives and that wives should submit (hypotassō), Ephesians assumes the equality of all household members. The letter enjoins mutual submission (see 5:21), expects sacrificial behaviour from the husband toward his wife (5:25-33) and tells the husband to love (agapaō, as opposed to rule) his wife. Whereas Greco-Roman writers contended that the master was inherently superior to the slave and that the slave had no virtues more than a tool, Ephesians reminds masters that they have the same Master in heaven as their slaves do—a Master who shows no partiality. Further, Ephesians promises slaves a reward for doing good (agathos) unto God.

Greco-Roman writers typically did not even address the wives, children or slaves as responsible moral agents. They usually only spoke to the ruler of the household—the husband, father and master. Compare this practice with the Apostle Paul, who sees women in significant salutary roles: “Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband” (1 Corinthians 7:16 NRSV). Against the backdrop of Greco-Roman and Hellenistic Jewish thinkers, the household code of Ephesians is radically liberating and subversive.

Yet, Paul’s instructions for each member of the household to reflect their faith in the home represent just one biblical approach to ameliorating the ills of brokenness and sin as they affect family members in the church. What if abuse or ambivalence leave gaps in church members’ formation, and family dysfunction prevents healthy personal, spiritual and moral growth? Situations like these are not the exception; they are the rule in a world infected with sin.

Relativize the Household

Titus represents another Christian approach—relativizing the conventional household, decentring the biological and legal relationships that bound Greco-Roman households under their heads, and, instead, developing a radical new household centred around God. Members of God’s household still hold regular social roles (e.g., husbands, children, slaves) as in other households, which often exhibit severe tension, but they relate to one another in the church in healthy and health-conducive ways. Note that the household code in Titus 2 is structured around people who are not necessarily in the same biological or legal household (e.g., older men, younger men, older women, younger women), but they relate to each other in mutually nourishing ways in God’s household.

The household code of Titus 2 does not make one’s contribution to the church or the home dependent upon one’s social station, as ancient Greco-Roman codes assumed. Attributes such as submission, customarily associated with subordinates, were expected even of leaders in God’s household. Outside the church, specific virtues and roles were available to specific people depending on status, gender and ethnicity, in sharp contrast to Galatians 3:27-4:7.

Older men and older women had critical leadership roles irrespective of marital or parental status. Unlike in contemporary codes, unmarried or celibate Christians do not occupy the place of children in God’s household but can be leaders. Older women had a responsibility to “teach what is good” (kalodidaskalos, Titus 2:3 NRSV). Young men, including Titus, were placed near the centre of the code—the standard place for children—and instructed to exhibit self-control (see Titus 2:7), a far cry from the typical Greco-Roman expectation that young men had every excuse and prerogative to practise promiscuity and revelry. Rather than being morally vacuous, as some prominent Greco-Roman writers taught, Titus 2:9-10 assumes that slaves are capable of high virtue (e.g., fidelity, pistis). Paul’s instructions regarding slaves encourage them to be models of the virtue that Aristotle questioned they could even possess!

Whereas the members might experience abuse and ambivalence in their relationships with parents, spouses, children and masters, in Titus’ Cretan church, they experienced the discipline, nurture and respect that they would in a healthy Christian family. Sadly, both then and now, not a single family in our world is untouched by sin. Evil is not crouching at our doorsteps; it is in the rooms of our very houses.

The Family of God

Facing this reality, the church cannot pass off to the family the call to make disciples (see Matthew 28:18-20) or to teach people in the faith (see 2 Timothy 2; Jude 20). Some of the duties of the church in Christian formation cannot be delegated to the family without significant loss and distortion. The idea that the family is the basic unit of society goes back to Aristotle, but the experience of the church and the wisdom of the New Testament suggest that it is only provisionally or maybe ideally true. 

In a biblical sense, the church is a clearinghouse for relationships among people seeking to follow Christ, to be formed in his image. Serving a meaningful role in the church can affirm the dignity of the person whose day-to-day experience may erode their morale. Friends in the church become brothers and sisters. Older adults become mothers and fathers and grandparents, even if they have never had children of their own. Understanding that every family in the church exhibits brokenness, one of the most critical and redemptive practices of the church is providing a context where people experiencing brokenness can receive the love and nurture of God’s household.

Dr. Isaiah Allen is assistant professor of religion at Booth University College in Winnipeg.

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