When it comes to conflict, the Church is no different than any other organization. No matter how much we want to serve God in our churches and advance His Kingdom, we are all affected by conflict. Arguments over change, tradition, worship, and even trivial things such as the colour of the sanctuary carpet, can tear apart a church.

How can we properly resolve conflict? There is no magical formula. But it is important to take action. Some situations, if left alone, can eventually grow to infect an entire congregation. Because church conflict affects so many individuals, dealing with it can be very painful and difficult.

Dangers of Avoiding Conflict
Pastors avoid conflict for different reasons. They may fear being unpopular or losing top financial contributors or leaders. Many think: “Why bother? I am only here for a short time.” Then there are those pastors who don't have any idea how to deal with discord. It is easier to avoid a conflict than to confront it. But pretending that the problem doesn't exist or that it will just “blow over” can be damaging and split congregations. Leaders need to be peacemakers.

Ron Kraybill in Handling Holy Wars writes: “Manage conflict or it will manage you. Whenever churches have faced conflict openly, the congregations have grown stronger in the process. But whenever they have hidden from conflict, it has emerged when the congregations were weakest and least prepared. The longer the congregation hides, the more 'political' and power oriented the struggle becomes, and the more destructive its impact.”

The causes of church conflict can be incredibly complex. When we focus on only one cause, we fail to reach agreement because we are not all trying to solve the same problem. While we may feel that the other person keeps “changing the subject” and “avoiding the real issue,” the other person may feel the same way about us.

The Scriptures reveal many conflicts in the early Church—not just polite disagreements, but heated, angry exchanges. Paul's remark to the Corinthian Church highlights this discord: “… I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder” (2 Corinthians 12:20).

When there is unresolved conflict in the local church, it can be a stumbling block to the unchurched community. Church conflict shows that we are not bearing the fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23). Through the media, people are aware of all the problems in the world—the stories of abuse, corruption, violence and political unrest. But people expect a difference in the Church where love is preached and taught to be the greatest virtue. Jesus said: “By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35 NKJV).

“The longer the congregation hides, the more 'political' and power oriented the struggle becomes”

In spite of our best efforts, however, conflict in the local congregation is inevitable. R. Bolton in People Skills suggests that leaders prepare themselves: “When a dispute in the church occurs, parishioners should hardly be surprised. Rather, it should be anticipated and seen for what it is: the natural and normal course of human interaction. Such a message regularly communicated will be a major first step in modifying the statement of shock, 'but I thought the church is supposed to be different,' to an affirming, 'this congregation really knows how to address and resolve conflict and strengthen the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.' Indeed, 'love only endures when dissension is faced openly.' ”

Keeping Conflict Healthy
Conflict is not always a bad thing. We all have different experiences, personalities, knowledge and skills. When issues arise in the church, it is not surprising that we don't always agree. It is helpful to be honest about those disagreements, but don't allow disagreements to degenerate into a harmful battle. Conflict needs to be reasoned out, without being tainted by anger, bitterness and broken relationships. Jesus Christ has called us to a life of love, forgiveness and service, a life that is to be lived together in the community called the Church.

“Conflict can give vitality to an institution. It allows internal interest groups to pursue their aims, which may be for the overall benefit of the system. It opens up the system to its environment as fresh energies are drawn in to replace those energies consumed in internal conflicts” (Paul Avis, Authority, Leadership and Conflict in the Church).

If the conflict cannot be resolved, sometimes the only way forward is for people to separate. Our church experienced a conflict for more than 20 years. It wasn't until the families separated that positive things began to happen in that local congregation. And the family who went their separate way was more at peace. Many times as Christians we look at separation as an ugly thing, but that is not necessarily so.

Sometimes―as in the case of Paul and Barnabas—separation is the most godly thing two Christians can do. During a missionary campaign, Barnabas proposed taking Mark as a helper, but Paul resisted the idea. The New Testament record indicates that a “sharp contention” developed between them (Acts 15:36-41). They could not reach an agreement, and so they split up and never saw one another again.

After we have exhausted all other means, if we must separate, we do it in love. We pray for each other that God will continue to lead us and bless us. Scripture doesn't give us full details of Paul and Barnabas' conflict, but I am sure that they did not hold on to any anger.

There will always be times when Christians will disagree in matters of opinion. The important thing is to keep focused on doing the will of Christ. That is what Paul and Barnabas did. As a result, perhaps even more work was accomplished for the Lord because of the manner in which their disagreement was handled.

Conflict can make us bitter or better. We can nurse our wounds and become bitter enemies of each other and God, or we can love those we don't agree with and continue on for the sake of the Kingdom. If handled wisely, conflict in the church can lead to repentance, confession, forgiveness and genuine reconciliation.

In Romans 12:18 (NKJV) Paul writes: “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” But sometimes peace doesn't depend on me. Sometimes outside forces bring the conflict to us. In these cases, we cannot turn a blind eye. The godliest thing that a church leader can do is to personally confront those brothers and sisters in the congregation that bring conflict.

It is the devil's job to create conflict and destroy the Church of Jesus Christ. As the shepherd of the church, a pastor's job is to feed, tend and guard the flock. If necessary, a pastor may have to confront a wolf or two to protect the congregation. Conflict is inevitable. Understand it, expect it, deal with it … and then put your trust in God.

---

How to Resolve Conflict

Grow in grace: This happens through daily communication with God—devoting ourselves to Bible study and worship. When we develop the “fruit of the Spirit” we will be more able to handle conflict in a mature Christian way.

Create opportunities for reconciliation: If someone has offended us or sinned against us we need to talk to him or her and seek reconciliation (see Matthew 18:15). Sometimes the other person is not even aware that he or she has offended. We need to take the problem to the individual first. Telling other people will only add to the problem.

Seek help from a mediator: If the direct approach to the conflict cannot be solved, seek help from a mediator (see Matthew 18:16-17; 1 Corinthians 6:1-4).

Be tolerant of minor things: Conflict can arise over petty things such as music, purchasing furniture and equipment, even the colour of the carpet. Such things are not worth fighting over.

Confess and ask forgiveness: If we have offended or sinned against someone we need to go and confess and ask for forgiveness (see Matthew 5:23-26). Forgiveness means accepting that we have been harmed and that we will never be repaid. We must be willing to go beyond forgiveness to reconciliation, to think of the other person as a brother or sister in Christ. Forgive others, even if they do not ask for it (see Ephesians 4:32; Matthew 6:14-15). If the other person has forgiven us and Christ has forgiven us, we should be willing to forgive ourselves.

Stand for the truth: We need to be honest with each other. Hidden problems cannot be solved. It is sometimes an act of submission to tell a leader about a problem. Giving the other person the silent treatment does not build a loving relationship. Speak the truth in love (see Ephesians 4:15), and remember the way we say things is important. By presenting our case in a harsh or aggressive way, we discredit it. Stop and think before speaking. Avoid acting in anger. Wait and cool down first. Try to see things from the other person's point of view.

Practice self-examination: We need to be concerned with looking for our own sin rather than looking for the sins of others. We need to examine ourselves and our motives just as harshly as we would judge others. We need to be humble―after all, our way of doing things may not be the right way. We need to be ready to listen, evaluate our position and change if necessary.

Encourage love and unity: Sometimes those in the church feel like enemies. Jesus told us to love our enemies (see Matthew 5:43-45). We need to pray for unity, peace and love in the church (see John 17:20-23).

Let the past be the past: If the church has not accepted our position on a certain issue, don't keep bringing it up. Make your point and move on.

Take leadership: Don't allow troublemakers to hijack the church. If people can't get their own way they often try to get others to side with them, and then threaten the pastor: “If I leave the church many other people in the congregation will leave with me.” Stand firm as a leader and don't allow factions to develop.

Captain Austin Randell is the corps officer in Hare Bay, Newfoundland and Labrador