My dear friends John and Jane,

I was humbled and honoured to receive your note asking for mentoring support as you prepare to move into your new appointment. The tragic moral failure of your predecessor has traumatized the people, and left a gaping wound in the community of this church. At the risk of stating the obvious, your challenges in establishing pastoral leadership in this context are enormous.

On the positive side, the denominational leaders trust you. I know they see and value your pastoral gifts. And I'm guessing that your note to me is an acknowledgement that you can't, and shouldn't, make this journey alone. I'm happy to offer what help I can, with this letter being the first step we take together.
Before we look at your new situation, let me say very clearly that I won't have all the answers, but I am willing to pray, dialogue and share as we discern God's way forward.

I am truly broken-hearted by the sexual misconduct of your predecessor. However, at the same time I am reminded that there but for the grace of God go many of us. Your predecessor is a broken man who has lost so much―family, ministry, respect. I hear that the denomination is working closely with him to facilitate spiritual and personal restoration. I doubt that he will ever be in pastoral ministry again.

And of course, there are all those who have been deeply hurt by his actions. I've been thinking a lot about them! As I picture you becoming their leaders, I offer these thoughts in the hope that they may guide and encourage.

First Things
It's normal for anyone facing a task such as this, to ask: “Where on Earth do we start? What can we do in the wake of such sadness and mess?” The short answer, initially at least, is to shift your focus from “doing” to listening and observing. You will quickly see the debilitating pain of wounded individuals.

Ask yourself: “What does the wound in the church actually look like? And what has God already been doing to bring healing and comfort to those most impacted?” Intentionally look for any glimpses of grace―signs of new life and hope―within the church. Above all, resist any urges to leap to a quick “diagnosis.” These typically lead to shallow quick-fix solutions that rarely live up to their name! Instead, prayerfully ask God what he is inviting you to do in partnership with him.

Discerning the Key Issues
Like you, I've heard a little about what is happening in your new church. Sadly, it's remarkably similar to what has been experienced by other churches making the same painful journey. It's not a pretty picture, but here are a few things to prepare for:

• You can expect divided loyalties in the congregation―polarized around those who are angry with your predecessor and those who feel sorry, make excuses for or actively support him.
• You may well find this polarization reflected in the local leaders who comprise the ministry board.
• Find out what is being done to support the other person who was involved with your predecessor. She will also be experiencing huge personal losses, not the least of which is the potential loss of her church as a place of healing and renewal. Despite her obvious involvement, your predecessor, like all pastors, was in a position of power and influence and yet allowed this relationship to “cross the line.”
• I suspect the local community has become aware of what has happened in this church. Unfortunately, the church's tarnished reputation will take quite some time to clear.
• Your predecessor's boundary breaches will have left many people feeling vulnerable and wary. People will be watching for your personal reaction and comments about your predecessor. Listen well and choose your words wisely.

Unpacking the Relationship Dynamics
This traumatic experience will have unleashed a host of emotional and relational dynamics. I don't want you to be taken by surprise at the tangled web you almost certainly will encounter. You will bump up against anger, blame, disillusionment, excuse-making and many reactions that look a lot like those of someone experiencing deep grief. And it's no wonder, because the people of this church are experiencing many losses:

• Loss of morale
• Loss of people who have been disillusioned by what has happened
• Loss of human and material resources from the people who have left
• Loss of trust and confidence in pastoral leadership
• Loss of standing in the community
• Some will also be feeling the loss of your predecessor and the person he was involved with

You can expect the internal grapevine to be working overtime―and unfortunately, not necessarily with the facts

Communication, the key to any successful relationship, will almost certainly have become more dysfunctional. There are likely only a select few who know most of the details of what actually happened with your predecessor, but you can expect the internal grapevine to be working overtime―and unfortunately, not necessarily with the facts. In fact, I suspect that behind-the-scenes communication will be far more active and open than any communication in boards and planning meetings.

What Does the Research Say?
Unfortunately, clergy misconduct and moral failure has happened often enough for there to be research results and trends. Here are a few sobering findings to consider:

• Any congregation experiencing the moral failure of a leader will regress in some way.
• On average, it takes congregations 10 years to heal from their leader's failure. And this next one is worthy of your very close attention:
• Congregations where clergy sexual misconduct has happened once are at far greater risk of it occurring again, than those where it has never happened.

What Can Be Done?
After listening to and observing the specific dynamics of this wounded church and bathing all of this in patient prayer, it seems that there are two fronts for your focused attention. First, you need to facilitate the healing process for the congregation. Second, you simultaneously need to establish and protect yourselves as pastoral leaders.

Here are some tips for helping the congregation:

• Identify and invest in the more mature local leaders. Like the rest of the congregation, they have experienced the trauma, but others are looking to them for support and a sense of direction. The more you can support them and encourage their resiliency, wisdom and strength, the more the congregation will move toward stability and security.
• Acknowledge and accept the existing communication patterns―even if they seem dysfunctional to you. The people are likely to be in survival mode, so accept that for now. There would be value in you looking for ways to gradually bring the “grapevine” communication more into the open over time.
• As you get to know these people, try to discern what will rebuild a new sense of community within the congregation. Their previous sense of identity could have been closely linked to your predecessor. With the strong involvement of your local leaders, help the people to tell their stories. In so doing, you'll discover that the “heartbeat” of their church community hasn't really been extinguished.
• You may need to bring in some sensitive and skilled consultants from outside your congregation to assist with some of these specific dynamics. We can monitor the need and discuss this option later.
• Only after the congregation has experienced this kind of extensive inner-healing, can they begin to turn their focus outward to mission. Don't be surprised if this takes several years.

Obviously you need to take care of yourselves so that you and this church do not become a self-fulfilling statistic:

• Invest in your own spiritual lives as an absolute priority.
• Make prayer even more of a way of life than it is now.
• Check out what Paul had to say about spiritual leaders in 1 Timothy 3, and apply it in your new context.
• Attend to your own close relationships. Your marriage and those dear children of yours are priceless gifts. Be active in your love and care for each other.
• Watch out for your physical and mental health needs as well. Depleted leaders are far more vulnerable to temptations than those who stay healthy and strong.
• Become aware of the what, when, where and how of those things that tempt you―and then strengthen your lifestyle around these potentially vulnerable points. Some honesty invested here, will save much heartache later.
• Cultivate humility in the way you minister and live. As you grow into the church leadership role, allow trusted leaders to help you with this.
• Keep strengthening your accountability relationships. Your note to me is obviously part of this, but I do encourage you to be open with those who can support and encourage you. You may even wish to invite trusted leaders from within the congregation to assist in keeping you on track.
• You both possess a teachable spirit, which is a great asset in strengthening accountable, mature, spiritual leadership. Keep cultivating your openness to learning and growing. You won't be disappointed!

My friends, as I write this note, my heart goes out to you and the people to whom you will minister. They desperately need a trustworthy, strong and patient shepherd. There is no denying the challenge of the task. There's also no denying the enormity of our God's wisdom, guidance and healing grace―for them and for you.

There is so much to consider and attend to here. I'm glad you have seen the value of gathering a team around you for guidance and support―and I'm particularly glad to be part of that team.

I'm looking forward to sharing with you when we meet next week.

Your brother in Christ,

Howard

Major Howard Smartt is a licensed psychologist and, with his wife, Robyn, serves as director of pastoral services for the Canada and Bermuda Territory. Howard has been privileged to counsel and mentor many officers through difficult life and ministry transitions.