Have you ever been in a store, overheard a child completely melting down and thought to yourself, Thank goodness, other kids do that, too. Or, even worse, At least my kids aren’t that bad. Hi, I’m Bhreagh, and I am guilty of comparing myself and my children to others. And it used to riddle me with anxiety.

Theodore Roosevelt’s timeless quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” resonates deeply for me. The temptation to compare can quietly rob us of the joy and peace God desires for our lives. And officers are not immune from this trend.

Imagine a mother scrolling through her social media feed. She sees a beautifully decorated home, a picture-perfect family enjoying an elaborate outing and children dressed impeccably for every occasion. Or an officer seeing other ministry units surpassing their Christmas kettle fundraising goal, experiencing church growth or killing it at their programming. It doesn’t take long before we begin to doubt ourselves. “Why can’t I manage to do all that?” or “Why can’t I hit those numbers?” These thoughts can spiral, leaving us feeling inadequate and overwhelmed. Yet God calls us to a different mindset—one rooted in contentment and purpose.

In the age of the social media “highlight reel,” when people showcase carefully curated moments, not the messy reality of life, the constant illusion of perfection can feel overwhelming. I’m sure the pressure to excel—in career, ministry, leadership, marriage, parenting, friendship, even self-care—hits everyone but, for some reason, women and moms seem to feel it a little more than our male counterparts.

We feel the pressure to be home with our kids, making them food from scratch, but we also feel the pressure to build a career, to show up and be seen, to excel and keep up with those who don’t have kids or with our male counterparts. We are pulled in too many directions, have too many unhealthy habits and then, exhausted, we plop ourselves down on the couch and “doom scroll” our evenings away, defining our worth by what others seem to achieve.

At the same time, women often seem to be the greatest critics, instead of the greatest cheerleaders, of other women. If we were honest with each other, we would claim our part in this cycle. As General Lyndon Buckingham said in an article about Compass, The Salvation Army’s new global strategic framework, it’s time “to take an honest look at ourselves.” 

Breaking free from the cycle of comparison requires intentionality, spiritual maturity and a resolve to do and be better for future generations. Here are five practical steps we can embrace:

1. Celebrate your family’s unique journey. Recognize that no two families are the same, and that’s a beautiful thing. Embrace the quirks and individuality of your family.
2. Limit social media exposure. Taking intentional breaks from social media can help you focus on what truly matters—your relationship with God and your family.
3. Practise gratitude. Writing down daily blessings, no matter how small, can shift your perspective and foster contentment.
4. Support others. Building a community of encouragement rather than competition strengthens everyone. Celebrate each other’s victories and lend a hand in times of struggle.
5. Focus on God’s calling. Trust that God has a unique plan for your life and family. Resisting the urge to compare allows you to walk in his purpose with confidence.

Overcoming comparison requires reliance on and renewal from God. We need a Holy Spirit-kind of power to push back against this culture of comparison and to embrace the type of unity that can change our homes, our work and our world. As women and mothers, we have beautiful and unique ways to model Christ and reach the world for him. By uplifting one another and modelling grace, we create an environment of unity and encouragement for generations to come.

God doesn’t call us to perfection; he calls us to faithfulness and obedience. When we surrender to him our struggles with comparison, we open the door to joy and peace. Philippians 4:12 reminds us, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.”

Now, when I see a fellow mom at the store with a crying kid or fighting brothers, I smile and tell her she is doing a great job, and never let someone else’s struggles make me feel better about myself. The greatest thing we can do is to get over ourselves, get out of God’s way and watch him work through our desire to love him and love others fiercely.

Captain Bhreagh Rowe is the community ministries officer, St. Albert Church and Community Centre, Alta.

Illustration: Good Studio/stock.Adobe.com