I saw her alone, kneeling. She was weeping as she bent over, her hair falling on her face. Her round shoulders quietly shaking, tears dripping on the carpet. I didn’t know her. Something in me stirred as I laid my hand gently on her shoulder, not wanting to disturb her intimate moment with the One she loved deeply. Something burdened her. I slowly came closer and saw her name tag—Heidi. 

I was attending the 30th anniversary of the Wesleyan Holiness Women Clergy conference. Nearly 800 female pastors gathered in Dallas from March 7-9, 2024, under the theme, “Your Daughters Will Prophesy.” We worshipped, networked and engaged with biblical and leadership teachers who empowered and equipped us to pursue holiness and feel supported in our callings. 

Major Caroline Rowe, corps officer and administrator of the Salvation Army church at the Kroc Center in Phoenix, spoke during the conference. We prayed together before her keynote. It was not lost on her what it meant to stand before 800 women preachers, when women had been denied the opportunity to preach for so long. She was excited and nervous, depending on One greater than herself. In humility and expressing gratitude to the other speakers who shared during the conference, her message was clear. “Women—and men—are given a great commission, and the point is that everyone will know Jesus is Lord.” We must serve from the overflow of our hearts, she said. Our power is found in intimacy with God, which happens in the secret place. There will be times when we fail. Like the Apostle Peter, it will be our love for Jesus that matters. We, too, may hear Jesus ask: “Do you love me more than these?” (see John 21:15). We must love him more than we love our assignment, because our assignment is merely the byproduct of that love. Reciprocal love between us and Jesus is the heart of our service and leadership. 

And then Major Rowe invited the women who felt the need for a safe or secret place to kneel and pray. They came immediately, in twos, arms around each other in love and acceptance, strengthening each other in prayer. Women nurturing women. 

That’s when I saw her. As I knelt close, I said, “Heidi, I don’t know you, but I would like to pray with you.” Knowing I, too, had my own story of deeply needing God, I wanted her to know how much God loved her. I invited her to remember who she was—created in God’s image, a beloved daughter. Not knowing if I prayed the right thing. I sensed Heidi had been ministering from a place of brokenness, a wounded prophetess. When I drew back, I saw her friend kneeling on the other side. Heidi was not alone. When she stood, she embraced me tightly and shared a glimpse of her brokenness. We were no longer strangers. 

Later, I saw a picture of this moment, and there I spotted our story and calling. Like other women leaders and pastors, God has called me to walk with, kneel with and pray with sisters and brothers who—like me—are imperfect. I glimpsed the raw brokenness we experience and the safe space we long for, a place to feel heard and welcomed. I saw a young mother kneeling with her arms wrapped around her baby and imagined the burden of being an inexperienced pastor and parent, but she was not alone. I saw a woman seated, earnestly seeking God, beside another bent forward in prayer, and next to her the outstretched arms of women holding each other. I saw women leaders processing, interceding, worshipping, or simply being silent. 

This is why I went to the conference—not just to learn from the speakers or to network, as good as that was. But this. To remember that we are companions walking side by side. Like the two disciples on the road to Emmaus, sharing one another’s distress, uncertainty and struggle. This is our calling—to be present. To hold each other up and lead each other back again and again to the One who loves us most. 

As spiritual leaders across the territory, let us not be ashamed of our vulnerability. Let us each find strength and support from prayer partners, mentors, spiritual directors, coaches and companions who will journey with us in a safe space. 

Her name was Heidi. 

Lt-Colonel Wanda Vincent is the divisional officer personnel secretary in the British Columbia Division and the gender equity officer for the Canada and Bermuda Territory. 

Photo: Albert Hung