There was a time in my life when I was journeying through a lengthy season of unemployment. Worse than not being able to pay my bills or trying to explain that I was “between jobs” in social situations was the fact that I was losing hope.

I was working very hard, not only in my job search but also volunteeringwith many organizations. I hoped to be hired when there was a vacancy, but nothing seemed to pan out. Well-meaning people said, “Terry, what you lack in money, you are gaining in experience.” To which I’d reply, “Yes, and if experience paid the rent and the bills, I would be as happy about it as you are.” I admit, I was bitter.

Sometimes the longer we go without something that’s important to us, the less likely we are to believe we will ever have it. This was how I felt about my employment situation. My whole self-esteem was wrapped up in the struggle to find a job. I was probably feeling sorry for myself more than I should have.

In reality, God was providing. My wife and I had a roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our backs and, most importantly, a supportive network of family and friends who loved us. But I was blinded to much of that at the time because I chose to link my value and worth to whether I was employed or not.

I’d read my Bible and had been taught that if God takes care of the sparrow, so He would take care of me (see Luke 12:6).

"I felt as if I had 'unemployed' written on my forehead." TERRY HARRIS

It’s one thing to know Scripture, quite another to put it to the test. Did I really believe in God’s provision and His goodness?

Who, Me?

It was during this time that I had an experience that shifted my perspective from self-pity to empowerment.

A couple of months before Christmas, a friend suggested that I apply to receive a Salvation Army Christmas food box.

She reasoned that since I fell within a certain income bracket, I would be “eligible.” Due to my preconceived bias, stereotypes and pride, I hated the fact that I was eligible for a Salvation Army Christmas box. I wanted to work, to be independent and to escape my circumstances.

And I had a certain mindset around who needed those things, and I never thought it would ever be me.

However, I reluctantly agreed.

Delivering Joy

When the day came to receive the delivery, I was nervous. I felt as if I had “unemployed” written on my forehead, and I was going to be exposed as the failure I believed I was.

I was anticipating judgment as well: “You’d better take this box and you’d better be grateful for it!”

But my concerns were completely unfounded.

The experience of receiving a Salvation Army Christmas box was brief but wonderful.

When I opened the door, the delivery person came in with a huge box. We received more food than we could have ever anticipated, enough to cover our Christmas needs. It really felt like Santa Claus had landed on our doorstep.

And the man who delivered the box reminded me of Santa, too, not in appearance but in demeanour.

“How you doing? Great to see you!” he boomed as he brought the box up our steep staircases.

He acted like someone who had just heard a hilarious joke and couldn’t contain himself. He said something that got me laughing, and it produced a full belly laugh that shakes your insides and makes you breathless. I hadn’t laughed like that for a long time, and it felt good. What a Christmas gift!

More importantly, he knew how to protect and restore one’s dignity. By the end of our conversation, he had me feeling like I was doing him a favour for taking the Christmas box, as opposed to him doing me a favour by delivering it. The fact that I was unemployed and was eligible for a Salvation Army delivery wasn’t relevant to the conversation. This man wasn’t just delivering food boxes; he was delivering joy and hope, and when he departed our house, he left all of that behind.

Profound Experience

A couple of years after that Christmas, I ended up working for The Salvation Army in the chaplaincy department, ministering to those who are incarcerated.

Little did I know at that time that I would have the opportunity to do what that man did, to come in on behalf of the Army and offer the same hope to other people. I realize now that part of my training for eventually working with The Salvation Army was learning how to be a recipient. I’m grateful for that because I now know what it’s like to be on the giving end and the receiving end.

I would like to believe that the whole experience has made me less judgmental, more compassionate, less bitter and more joyful. And for that, I am grateful.

Photo: denis_vermenko/stock.Adobe.com

Terry Harris is a chaplain with The Salvation Army in Kingston, Ont. As part of his responsibilities, he is a member of the Spiritual Connection broadcast team—volunteers, chaplains and incarcerated individuals—who conduct a Christian service each Sunday at 10 a.m. on Amherst Island radio station 101.3. It reaches local Kingston institutions and the community and has an international reach through the internet.

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