I’m at the age where I think about the hereafter more than ever. I arrive at the fridge and wonder what I’m hereafter. Seriously, heaven is looking sweeter all the time, partly because so many family and friends are there sooner than we thought they’d be. 

Some believe heaven is a myth, the creation of delusional wishful thinkers. I’m well acquainted with myths. I grew up on them. Here are five of them, the first two of which my mother used on me. 

• Myth #1: Swimming after eating causes debilitating cramps, so wait 30 minutes before going into the water—or you’ll die. The truth behind this fable is all wet.

• Myth #2: Chewing gum stays in your stomach seven years. It doesn’t. Don’t swallow that myth. And don’t swallow other stuff either. Some have swallowed toothbrushes, iPhones and Fitbits. Be careful out there.

• Myth #3: Eating carrots gives you better eyesight. Not true. This was a ploy to get us to drink carrot juice and eat carrot cake. What’s next? Beet cake? Garlic pie? Asparagus crisp?

• Myth #4: Cats suck your baby’s breath. Not so. Monitor pets around infants, but your cat should be purrfectly OK. I’m not kitten.

• Myth #5: We eat eight spiders a year while we sleep. I don’t know who spun this myth. But don’t swallow it. It’ll drive you up the wall. Arachnophobes, sleep in peace.

Many of us have swallowed myths about heaven. Some think it will be Morgan Freeman in a white room. Movies such as Bruce Almighty and Heaven Can Wait may entertain, but they teach little about the afterlife. Here are two myths too many of us swallow:

• Myth #1: Heaven will be boring. Television ads about cheese and cartoons of saints floating on clouds strumming harps have helped cement this myth. And, let me be honest, I’ve never been wild about the harp. I have no harp albums. So how can I avoid boredom in heaven? Mark Twain said, “Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company,” which assumes that unending sin is exciting and righteousness is ho-hum, hum-drum and boring. Satan has the patent on this great lie. Don’t fall for it. Sin robs us of joy and fulfilment. Far from making life interesting, it makes life empty.Psalm 16:11 promises, “You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures in Your right hand.” Pleasures forevermore from a God whose creation bursts with infinite variety and endless beauty. Boring? Are you kidding? We visited Italy recently. It was a little boring because all we did was Rome around. But not heaven. Not a chance.

• Myth #2: I’m gonna miss my old life. Recently, my wife, Ramona, and I arrived at our gate before a flight to find we’d been upgraded to first class. Menus and mutton. Doilies and desserts. We discovered there are just two classes: first class and no class. Never once did Ramona say, “I sure miss the back seat right by the washroom.” 

This doesn’t come close to describing our breathtaking upgrade to heaven. What a hope is ours this new year! Heaven will far surpass all bucket lists ever compiled. Revelation 21:4 says, “[God] will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever” (New Living Translation). The very best IS yet to come. That comes as mighty good news right about now. 

I can’t wait. Heaven is gonna be out of this world.

Phil Callaway’s Laugh Again radio program airs 700 times a week in Canada.Visit him at laughagain.org.

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